I am Gloria's Granddaughter

Yesterday marked the year anniversary of my grandmother's passing. My family had a memorial for her, but I had to work so I got someone to switch with me in morning so I could take some time to go to the cemetery. I got up early, made a cup of coffee and headed out. It was a chilly, gray morning with lots of clouds covering the sky. It matched my mood. I switched on the radio and tried to keep my thoughts positive as I drove the 30 minute drive to the cemetery. By the time I got there, it had started to drizzle and my eyes had begun to fill with tears. There was an older couple there walking the small cemetery reading gravestones and commenting on the plants left by loved ones. I noticed they had Florida plates.
I sat for a minute in the car before heading out to the grave site. I looked out towards the mountain remembering the day we buried Nan. It was such a bright day, a much more peaceful day, than it was at that moment. I got decided I had to get out and go see my grandparents. I walked through the moist grass filled with the morning rain and stopped in front of their grave. Black Eyed Susan's were flowering and the American flag was moving in the wind. I knelt down to wipe off some dead grass cuttings and I let my tears flow. A few moments passed and I pulled out the two poems I had written. One was written soon after Nan had passed away, but never fully finished until that morning.

She Deserves

She sits
patiently
quietly
her thoughts
twirling around the room
but her eyes can only
focus on her
She prays
God take her
into your warm
embrace
let her know
we'll be alright
she's done all she
can with her life
here with us
Show her peace and
give her the wings
she deserves
She watches
her sleeping
wondering why
she holds on
so tightly
Love surrounds
the room
with laughter
singing and
smiles
Underneath it all
is sadness
acknowledgement
of what is about to come
They pray that
God takes her
into his warm
embrace
Let her know
we'll be alright
She's done all she can
with her life
here with us
Show her peace and
give her the wings
She deserves

The second poem I left, I wrote quickly that morning.

Mountain

Go rest high up on that mountain
Your troubles here are gone
May you find the peace you need

Love travels as far as we need it to
We'll find it up on that mountain
On the wings of a butterfly
And in the beat of our hearts

Go rest high up on that mountain
Your troubles here are gone
May you find the peace you need

Stories fill the air
As we remember
We look towards that mountain
Bringing smiles to our faces

Go rest high up on that mountain
Your troubles here are gone
May you find the peace you need

Warm embraces of family
Spreading strength and comfort
As we look towards that mountain
Finding peace as we need it

Go rest high up on that mountain
Your troubles here are gone
May you find the peace you need
Find the peace you need
 
 I placed them both into a plastic envelope and placed it on the gravestone, held down by two reeses peanut butter cups. I scribbled a little note to my family, as I knew they would see it when they arrived later in the day. I said a few words and as the rain fell harder, I walked slowly back to the car.
I sat a little while longer and noticed that a man was there setting up a freshly dug grave for a funeral that was most likely about to happen. I said a few more prayers and then drove away.
It has been a full year, but the hurt is still there. It's in a different way now, mostly sadness in the life that my grandmother has missed out on. It has been a big year for our family and I know that she would have been exceptionally proud of us all if she could have been here. I hope that she is looking down with a huge smile saying "that's my family".

There was a gravestone a few rows away that had this saying on it: "Love doesn't die, people do so when all that's left of me is love, give me away."