A Glimpse

Not many people that know me would think of me to be a person who would voluntarily choose to babysit. I didn't grow up gushing over baby dolls and little kids. I didn't ask mommy and daddy to have another brother or sister. I was content being the youngest and found little kids to be annoying. I did babysit here and there a few times, but only because my mother suggested it. It was a source of income for me since we didn't get allowance like other kids my age. They always had money to go out to the movies or get snacks after being dropped of the bus. Not me. So I found a way to make money. Babysitting.
Once I was of age to get working papers, I did. The only thing I could say I had experience in was watching kids so my first job was working at Gold's Gym as the babysitter. It was awful. I had to watch any number of kids at one time and the ages could range from infant to preteen. Parents who came to work out would just drop off their kids and come back for them once they were done. I hated every second of that job. I didn't get paid enough to put up with that many kids at one time. I usually had five or six at any given time, if not more. It did teach me a lot though. I was able to figure out how to multitask real fast with kids. I found out how to read kids and their emotions, and how to be smarter than them, fast. I went from working at Gold's Gym to working at a ski shop. I had to get away from kids. The ski shop wasn't enough money, as I needed to save up for college and by that time I was in high school, I needed money to do other things on the weekends. I decided to give the whole watching kids things a shot again. I paired up with a friend from high school and we provided daycare at my church during the service. There were two of us and we only had 2 kids tops most of the Sundays that we worked. Definitely more manageable and the kids were also well behaved.
From there, I bounced over to The Container Store. It pays so well that I was able to just work there. No kids necessary. That was, until we wanted to buy a house. I started watching a little boy, Buster. I have talked about him before in posts. He was a wonderful kid to look after. I really enjoyed it.
Now, that he's in school, and we've bought the house. I was in desperate need of more money. I joined Care.com and found a family.
It has been a complete nightmare. I've been with them for just about a year now. I have over a hundred different stories that I could share, but I'll stick with the one from 2 days ago. Now remember, this a typical, normal day for this house.
3:50pm The twin 12 year old girls arrive home from middle school. They've just gotten a puppy for their birthday and Angelica takes her outside to play with her. Desdemona fed and cleaned the litterbox for their cat.
4:15pm The tutor, Dydo, arrives. She gives them a small speech on how to behave around us and what is expected of them. Then asks that they begin working on their homework. They both have the same homework so we could all do it together. Angelica automatically gets her homework out and is working on it. Desdemona brings out her laptop. The arguing begins. Dydo tells her to put it away and to take out sheets of paper. Desdemona doesn't listen and continues to play on her laptop.
4:40pm Angelica is done with Science homework and the homework session ends with the both of them. Dydo and Angelica go inside to finish homework and Desdemona is left to work on her chores with me. I tell Desdemona to go take her clothes out for the next day and then shower.
4:50pm Desdemona has her clothes picked out, but she is refusing take a shower. I told her a total of 12 times to get in the shower, at this point. Remember she is 12 years old.
5:00pm Desdemona is in the bathroom with the shower turned on but not in the shower. I was standing outside of the bathroom door and could hear her talking to herself.
5:10pm She jumps into the shower.
5:11pm The shower is turned off and she gets out. I told her to get back in the shower and to actually shower. She wasn't fooling anyone by that act. I told her she could come out when she had actually washed herself and her hair.
5:15pm Desdemona finally comes out of the bathroom (unshowered), she grabs her school books and laptop then locks herself in the bathroom, refusing to talk to me.
5:45pm Angelica has finished her homework and now needs to shower. Desdemona comes out of the shower to let Angelica in. However, she is still not showered. Dydo then argues with Desdemona to go start homework.
6:00pm Angelica is done with her shower, picked out her clothes and finishes up her project that is due in 2 days. Dydo decides to help her with that since Desdemona refuses to work with her.
6:10pm The mother arrives home and I speak to her about Desdemona and her behavior. The mother quickly places blame on me and Dydo saying we need to change our behavior to get her to do what she needs to do. I speak up saying that it is not my behavior that needs to change, as I am the adult and the child is the one that needs to listen. The mother then says that we will let Desdemona not do what she is asked to do and we will film it and the teachers can then see what we deal with and they can decide what will be done. (Again, passing the job on to someone else).
6:30pm The mother leaves again to go for a walk, has me make dinner for the girls and tells Desdemona to work with Dydo. Dydo then writes an email to the teacher explaining that Desdemona doesn't want to do work, Desdemona flips out. She screams at the top of her lungs. Throws her books all over the room and takes off running, out of the house and down the street.
She eventually comes back to the house after informing her that the email was not sent, just drafted up in case she didn't do work.
7:30pm The mother comes home from her walk and Dydo and I are allowed to leave.

This is a small insight to what I deal with, and this doesn't even give it justice. I wish I could post the videos I have of Desdemona and her tantrums.
I feel bad for Angelica who is a wonderful kid and deserves all the best, but she is being overshadowed by her crazy sister who desperately needs help. I feel like I am still with the family because in some small way I feel like I will be able to help them. I think I am slowly coming to the realization that, I won't be able to help any of them. Not even in the slightest bit.

Quote of the Day: "You can try your hardest, you can do everything and say everything, but sometimes people just aren't worth trying over anymore... they aren't worth worrying about. It's important to know when to let go of someone who only brings you down."

A Week In

We've survived a week of Chancho's midnights. It's weird. It's messed up my routine. It's been a rough week. Chancho seems to be adjusting just nicely as he is back to his life of sleep. I think that bother's me the most. He doesn't do anything else, but sleep now. He is home by 9am and quickly falls into a deep sleep, not to be woken again until 5pm. He then leaves for work around 9:30pm. He does do a wonderful job of cooking dinner for us before I get home. I know it's just been one week and the body doesn't adjust that quickly, but this is a flashback to his other shift and how he always just slept. It irritated the crap out of me.  I also think, it coincides with the horrible week that I have had.
I am back into the full swing of things with work. (5am -2pm) I am trying very hard to become full time and have been putting out every effort to do so, only to be pushed back down and told to try harder. There are only so many times a girl can get kicked down before not getting back up. My review will be in 2 weeks. We'll see then, what happens. I am also back to babysitting the kids from a nightmare producing movie. (2:30pm-7:30pm) When I watch them, all of my energy is sucked out of me and I become very angry at the world. The mother has just hired a new tutor to work with them every day and that has added some tension to the mix as well.
At least, I'm still kicking, we're still married and I have a honeymoon to look forward to. I spent today shopping for the cruise and taking a me day. To recuperate from the stressful week. I've regained a positive energy and am ready to tackle another week.
Here's to hoping it goes as smoothly as my mind can handle it!

We did get a few pictures from our photographer back. Here is one that I can share:

Quote of the Day: "Love, being in love, isn’t a constant thing. It doesn’t always flow at the same strength. It’s not always like a river in flood. It’s more like the sea. It has tides, it ebbs and flows. The thing is, when love is real, whether it’s ebbing or flowing, it’s always there, it never goes away. And that’s the only proof you can have that it is real, and not just a crush or an infatuation or a passing fancy." -Aidan Chambers

I am Gloria's Granddaughter

Yesterday marked the year anniversary of my grandmother's passing. My family had a memorial for her, but I had to work so I got someone to switch with me in morning so I could take some time to go to the cemetery. I got up early, made a cup of coffee and headed out. It was a chilly, gray morning with lots of clouds covering the sky. It matched my mood. I switched on the radio and tried to keep my thoughts positive as I drove the 30 minute drive to the cemetery. By the time I got there, it had started to drizzle and my eyes had begun to fill with tears. There was an older couple there walking the small cemetery reading gravestones and commenting on the plants left by loved ones. I noticed they had Florida plates.
I sat for a minute in the car before heading out to the grave site. I looked out towards the mountain remembering the day we buried Nan. It was such a bright day, a much more peaceful day, than it was at that moment. I got decided I had to get out and go see my grandparents. I walked through the moist grass filled with the morning rain and stopped in front of their grave. Black Eyed Susan's were flowering and the American flag was moving in the wind. I knelt down to wipe off some dead grass cuttings and I let my tears flow. A few moments passed and I pulled out the two poems I had written. One was written soon after Nan had passed away, but never fully finished until that morning.

She Deserves

She sits
patiently
quietly
her thoughts
twirling around the room
but her eyes can only
focus on her
She prays
God take her
into your warm
embrace
let her know
we'll be alright
she's done all she
can with her life
here with us
Show her peace and
give her the wings
she deserves
She watches
her sleeping
wondering why
she holds on
so tightly
Love surrounds
the room
with laughter
singing and
smiles
Underneath it all
is sadness
acknowledgement
of what is about to come
They pray that
God takes her
into his warm
embrace
Let her know
we'll be alright
She's done all she can
with her life
here with us
Show her peace and
give her the wings
She deserves

The second poem I left, I wrote quickly that morning.

Mountain

Go rest high up on that mountain
Your troubles here are gone
May you find the peace you need

Love travels as far as we need it to
We'll find it up on that mountain
On the wings of a butterfly
And in the beat of our hearts

Go rest high up on that mountain
Your troubles here are gone
May you find the peace you need

Stories fill the air
As we remember
We look towards that mountain
Bringing smiles to our faces

Go rest high up on that mountain
Your troubles here are gone
May you find the peace you need

Warm embraces of family
Spreading strength and comfort
As we look towards that mountain
Finding peace as we need it

Go rest high up on that mountain
Your troubles here are gone
May you find the peace you need
Find the peace you need
 
 I placed them both into a plastic envelope and placed it on the gravestone, held down by two reeses peanut butter cups. I scribbled a little note to my family, as I knew they would see it when they arrived later in the day. I said a few words and as the rain fell harder, I walked slowly back to the car.
I sat a little while longer and noticed that a man was there setting up a freshly dug grave for a funeral that was most likely about to happen. I said a few more prayers and then drove away.
It has been a full year, but the hurt is still there. It's in a different way now, mostly sadness in the life that my grandmother has missed out on. It has been a big year for our family and I know that she would have been exceptionally proud of us all if she could have been here. I hope that she is looking down with a huge smile saying "that's my family".

There was a gravestone a few rows away that had this saying on it: "Love doesn't die, people do so when all that's left of me is love, give me away."

New Man In Town

Chancho began his new job today. He headed out early this morning with his new commute and found himself in new territory. He did have a fellow newbie with him so it wasn't completely lonely. They were called in to the bosses office and asked which shift they would like - daytours or midnights- The other guy needed daytours as he was having childcare issues. So that left Chancho with midnights. I knew this was a possibility, but I was really hoping that he wouldn't get it. Midnights consist of him leaving the house around 10pm-ish to start and not getting home until about 9am-ish. He has never really worked this shift before. The closest shift was when he was working impact, he got out 2am. I'm not really sure how this new shift is going to effect us. All I know is that when he was working nights, he was always sleeping. He never had any energy to do something during the day. I'm hoping that with the complete switch that he will have the time to sleep in most of the morning to get up in the late afternoon to be up when I get home. Otherwise, we will be ships passing in the night again. I keep reminding myself that this is probably the best time for him to work this as it's just us and we don't have a family yet. It's going to be interesting to see how, being newly married, our relationship deals with this transition. Wish us luck as we enter in to this new journey! Today, I'm ready for wherever this takes us.

Quote of the Day: "I believe we write our own stories and each time we think we know the end, we don't. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, of chance and in the peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all. Life's funny that way... once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong." -Little Black Book