Today was a very interesting day to say the least. For the past couple of days I have been fighting back this feeling that things were a bit disconnected between Chancho and myself. Unfortunately the emotions won that battle. I broke down and first I got mad and then I started bawling my eyes out. We had a very serious conversation about where our relationship was going and it doesn't look good. Chancho doesn't know where to begin when it comes to fixing our situation. As you all know time is a valuable thing in a relationship and when you're a cop there is very little of it to be passed around. Chancho doesn't believe that there can be enough time for me to be in his life with me being happy and treated the way that I need to be treated. The thought of this crushes my heart. I have been trying my best to be patient, even though that is not my strong point. But the one thing that I am good at is being flexible and I am more than willing to flex in anyway possible to make this work out so we are both happy.
The problems that have developed are that he doesn't have time for his family #1. They are the most important people in his life and he has been letting them be put aside to spend time with me and I feel very guilty about this. I am willing to sacrifice time for him to spend with them. #2 the time that we spend together hasn't been quality time, it's just time spent in each others presence. (I'll blame the Yankees on that one for right now.) #3 Chancho feels we are so far into trouble that he doesn't know where to start and if it is even fixable.
The solution. I realize that there is no quick fix. The change will not come over night and I am not expecting that. What I am asking of, from the both of us, is that we take baby steps, whatever those may be, so that we can get back to a mutual happy ground for us to rebuild a stronger relationship. I feel that if we focus on the time that we spend together as quality time then things can get better. Priorities need to be set for him so he can manage his time better. ( My thoughts are that he sleeps less!)
My fears. I am terrified that he isn't willing to put up a fight for us. That he is ready to just walk away and let our relationship go, that I am not worth it.
I am sorry for putting this all out there, but I am desperate for some advice on how you all manage to keep things in order. As I see it, it really is about the time issue. If it's something else, I am unaware of it. If anyone has any ideas as to how to start going about getting back on track it would be greatly appreciated.
Knoll: The Last JFK Conspiracist
1 week ago