"Babe....I have an arrest." Sigh....another night ruined.
This is how the other night went. Chancho and I had a night planned out for us to hang out. It had really been a long time since we had our alone time. So you can imagine how crushed I felt when I received this text early on in the afternoon, messing up our evening plans. I sat there on the couch bummed. I let it get to me. It festered inside of me and the more I thought about it the more I could see the smoke rising from my head.
I had been waiting to hang out with him for about a week and a half. I wanted to spend more than 5 minutes with him. I wanted to have a conversation face to face with him rather than over the phone and not when he was falling asleep on me. Thoughts just kept running through my mind. I even came on here attempting to vent out all of my frustrations of dating a cop, thinking someone may give me some encouraging words, but in the middle of my vent I stopped myself. I reread what I had just furiously typed out and realized that at the end of it all I had said "unfortunately there is nothing that can be done to change all of this, it is what it is." and then it hit me. I was being ridiculous. That was exactly what was happening. There was no fault to this, but the idiot who needed to be arrested.
I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to realize this. I have sat there time and time again thinking about how frustrating the situation is, but nothing and I mean nothing can be done about it. I've been wasting my time over something so frivolous. It feels like a big weight has been lifted. I was able to continue my night, just as though we didn't have plans, I wasn't left there being miserable thinking about how good of time I could be having and how annoying his job is. I was able to have a productive night and that has encouraged me to see that this is how it really can be. I don't need to be that girl that gets upset every time he gets stuck at work late. Another big step towards figuring out how life is, with dating a cop, is being accomplished.
I talked to Chancho about this over dinner last night and I think he really appreciated hearing it. He knew as he was typing the text out that I would be upset and he was doing everything in his powers to get out early at work. That could easily lead to mistakes or something going wrong. I don't want him doing that. Work is important and he should be doing it right, not rushing because his girlfriend at home is upset that he had to stay late. I think now that we talked about it, he's comfortable with staying late when he has to and doesn't have to fear what my reaction is going to be. I'm sure there will be bad days when I just want him home, but I think I can expect a lot better days down the road.
Quote of the Day: “The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds.” - Will Durant
Dead Poets Society Revisited
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